In this series, I’ll be combining two of my favorite things; fantasy football (specifically dynasty) and popular(-ish) music. Here in Volume II, we’re going back to my formative years and using hair metal icon Cinderella’s massive power ballad to look at some of the trades I’ve made this season that haven’t worked out like I expected or needed them to.
“Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone)”, Cinderella
Some Hair Metal 101 for those who may be too young to have experienced what is unquestionably music’s greatest era. When you released an album, there was a formula. Song 1 was your leadoff single, usually a party anthem that would act as the introduction to the album. After that, Song 3 was usually the “best” song on the album. Then, Song 4 was frequently your power ballad. This was the song that would get played at high school dances, and dudes would make mix tapes for their girlfriends to show they were more sensitive and romantic than the rest of the troglodyte bros out there.
The power ballad was your money maker. Usually not the song the album would be remembered for by the hard cores (unless it was a monster that you “never intended to define your career”) but the song that got the most radio airplay. Cinderella’s Long Cold Winter wasn’t entirely paint-by-numbers (“Don’t Know What You Got” was track three), but it was an underrated classic, and the included power ballad put it on the cross-over airplay map.
“I can’t tell you, baby, What went wrong”
Gave Calvin Ridley for Miles Sanders and a 2024 3rd-round draft pick (August; 12-team, Superflex, Tight End Premium, start 10)
We start with the classic trade that helped no one. My team had both Ridley and Christian Kirk, and I didn’t want to roster two Jags receivers. Kirk was certainly a reasonable choice to keep, as he and Ridley scored similarly overall (pre-Kirk injury), but Kirk had more startable weeks.
I was down on Ridley relative to the market and was looking to cash out on an RB-starved team. Sanders losing his starting gig to Chuba Hubbard on a flat-lining Panthers offense with Bryce Young at the helm wasn’t the return I was expecting. There would end up being other opportunities to cash out at a much higher price (post-Week 1). Insult to injury, the team I made the deal with still managed to get a playoff bye, so the 3rd-round pick will be around 35 overall.
“I can’t make you feel, What you felt so long ago”
Gave Jaylen Warren and 2023 draft pick 3.12 for Alec Pierce and 2023 draft pick 4.06 (May; 12-team, SF, TEP, start 10)
Remember last spring/summer when we all had our sleepers and breakouts and were sure everyone else’s were wrong? Ah, halcyon days. I was sure Alec Pierce’s deep ball skills would line up perfectly with Anthony Richardson’s affinity to throw said deep ball. I was also convinced that everyone was wrong about Jaylen Warren supplanting Najee Harris in the Steelers’ RB rotation. “Tomlin loves his bell cows, not happening.” It did happen. Warren gained significant market value, and by the time Pierce had his first startable game, he was buried on benches, if not on waiver wires. The picks were predictably useless.
“I can’t give you back what’s been hurt”
Gave Jahmyr Gibbs for Nick Chubb and a 2024 2nd (September (preseason); 12-team, SF, TEP, start 10)
My team was a fringe playoff team last year that was ready to turn the corner and contend. Moving Gibbs for the guaranteed production of Nick Chubb and getting a pick on top seemed like a no-brainer. To quote the all-time classic movie “Tommy Boy”, “The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn’t a crazy glue sniffer?”
The Chubb guarantee lasted less than a game-and-a-half before his knee got gruesome-ized in Pittsburgh. Gibbs, meanwhile, would go on to firmly establish himself as a Top 5 Dynasty RB.
“Don’t know what you got, Till it’s gone”
Gave C.J. Stroud, Kendre Miller, Treylon Burks, and Noah Fant for Jordan Love, Travis Etienne, Adam Thielen, and George Kittle (July; 12-team, SF, no TEP, start 10)
The return here was most certainly reasonable, especially at the time. No one else on the Gave side was at any point startable. But, hoo boy, though. I most definitely liked Stroud, but even I didn’t see him becoming a Top-5 overall dynasty asset. Might feel this one for a while.
“Now I know what I’ve got, It’s just this song”
Gave Kyren Williams and Cade Otten for a 2025 1st (Early November; 14 team, SF, TEP, start 10)
I’m weeping like a small child as I write this. I was a Kyren Williams truther from draft time last year. Full disclosure: I didn’t expect him to be this good, but he was a guy I thought would earn regular snaps due to his reliability and well-rounded overall skill set, despite his size that turned most off to him. He was going to be my favorite thing, a Zero RB back who would forever out-produce his draft cost.
At the time of the trade, Kyren was halfway through his IR stint. He wasn’t actively helping me. “Can he really maintain this workload post-injury?”, “Is he even a lock to be the starter next year?” and “I need to rise above my biases and be objective about this.” thoughts were infiltrating my brain. Taking a/any 1st for him had to be the #RightThingToDo.
Then he came back off IR and dropped a 40 burger. I talked myself into that not being sustainable, so the trade was still #NotTheWorstThing. Back-to-back 20-point games with full bell cow usage later, and there’s no redeeming it now. Even if “something happens,” the deal was #BadAnalysis. For as much as we all need to rise above our biases, there is no worse feeling in fantasy than being right about a player but not acting on that intuition in a manner that benefits us.
“And it ain’t easy to get back, Takes so long”
Gave T.J. Hockenson and Tyler Higbee for Greg Dulcich, Dawson Knox, a 2024 2nd, and a 2024 3rd (Late August; 12 team, SF, no TEP, start 10)
There was no way Hockenson could replicate what he did in his first partial season in Minnesota, right? No way he could keep earning targets at an elite Wide Receiver level? Right…? Wrong.
I didn’t even like Dulcich, but thought he would be able to maintain the illusion of Dynasty value with Sean Payton in Denver. I thought I was selling high on Hockenson, especially since it was a non-Tight End Premium league. Turns out, now I’m just one amongst the unwashed masses searching for that elite Tight End I can slot into my lineup every week and be comfortable with, knowing I have a positional advantage for the week. That same elite Tight end I gave away for a song.
“I can’t clear my heart of your love, It falls like rain”
Gave the 2023 1.10 for Rashaad Penny and the 2023 1.12 (July; 12 team, SF, no TEP, start 9)
This seems innocuous enough. Drop two spots in the rookie draft and pick up a guy with a chance to be productive in a new system. When you plug the names of the picks in (Quentin Johnston at the 1.10, Zach Charbonnet at the 1.12), it still seems fine. The problem is the name at 1.11, De’Von Achane. A player I was an outspoken (and slightly obnoxious) fan of.
Like Kyren Williams above, I had a player I loved in my grasp and let him go. All for the chance to roster Rashaad Penny, who’s been a game-day Inactive more than he hasn’t this year.
Tom Kiefer (1988). Long Cold Winter [Recorded by Cinderella]. Retrieved from https://open.spotify.com/track/5QRs63VVKNaqUjg6XSSckM
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